Philippians 3

 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 
When reading Ecclesiastes for the first time I came to realise that there is no other purpose in life other than to exalting God which meant that all my current struggles are trivial. The value of my relationship with God is infinitely more important than anything else.

19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.
I even though I go to Church or read my Bible on the daily it feels like an obligation on some nights. Very often if life didn't go towards the direction I wanted it to I would become bitter towards myself. My mind is too fixated on material ambitions and rewards. I feel as if I don't know God because I only go to Church to be served and not to serve others.