How to Move Through Suffering and Come Back Stronger Day 7

Matthew 11: 28-30

My childhood is very bland so I guess you could say I was depressed before I knew what depressed was. I hated my father for what he did to me as I grew up so deprived and jealous of others. To this day I don't talk to any of my childhood friends as my father made sure I wouldn't go down the same path as they. He seemed to do everything he could to stop me from having friends or enjoying a simple show like Power Rangers and he used Jesus as an excuse. He turned a God of grace into a God of works, he stripped me of so much so I ran away to pursue the idols of films, belonging recreational drugs, the worst of them all were women. If I was a secular person and you asked my why I'm not joyful, I would downright reply it was all my fathers fault. Many things could've been prevented if he died of a stroke like I prayed he would have. But I know Jesus, I know I'm depraved and I know my failure to exalt God is totally and justly because of my willingness to rebel. It's my fault. I don't want to wait till I see Jesus face to face to move on. I don't want my past to form my identity. Acceptance and healing can start now. Unlike my father, unlike "Christians", unlike myself, God has never done me wrong. He is the greatest one to places worth it. I hope and pray that I can run to God with complete and utter repentance and thankfulness. Jesus is greater than my depravity, greater than my father, greater than my loss. There's no justified reason that I'm not joyful, and yet I'm still not. My victim mentality needs to stop, I need to stop thinking about me. King Jesus is the prize. I'm self conscious that I lacking the friends and social security I used to have but I hope eventually I'll be thankful the way God placed me in His kingdom. I really want to accept wholeheartedly God's placement of me, my purpose in his kingdom.

Let me run to you Lord and not myself for your undeserving and broken servant is tired. Glory to you and to you alone.

Prayer/reflection:

- stop letting my past hold me back

- love my father even though he seems to be the source of great suffering

- continue in the fight to put God as my greatest treasure