1 Corinthians 3

1 Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ.
It's crazy how emotional I've been today prior to reading this, which coincidently convicts me. A fellow Christian confessed to me some very emotional and dark events that had happened in her life, and obviously i'd be obliged to feel so touched and inspired. However as I woke up this morning, I felt so jealous that someone had done possibly worse or more exciting things than me despite growing up in a better neighbourhood and still managed to repent and submit to Christ. I felt like I had missed out. I felt so regretful that I could've lost my virginity when I could have, I could've taken more drugs, I might have possibly even entered the Gang lifestyle and just lived for bitches and money. I had found myself craving for these materialistic things again. I felt left out and envious that someone had a more exciting life than mine as this entire time I had thought I was the most exposed person in life group. My pride was attacked. I broke down in tears in my workplace bathroom (ikr embarrassing), wept again as I arrived home and even right now as I'm typing this blog. I feel worthless, disgusting and underserving. I'm crying because I'm envious of something so undeniably...selfish. God owes me nothing, he owes me hell, and right now I feel like I deserve it so much. I find it difficult to come to terms with still being so immature in my faith despite having the recourses to grow for quite a while now. In a way my mind still imitates those of the Corinthian Church rather than Philippians. I guess in a way I am still a mere infant in Christ. 

6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. 7 So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 
A friend of mine once told me this joke. There are 3 types of Churches:
1. The Reformed/Protestant  
2. Catholic  
3. The Branch of Overly Passionate Misguidance (or a "Korean church" for short)
I never grew up in that of the 3rd but I've heard enough stories to know that this is a reality. This just confirms that It can be spiritually dangerous when we are so amused to a certain  Pastor that we begin to idolise him and view them as higher than another speaker/leader. This may start to cause dispute from within the community and possibly cause Church division, and the Body of Christ the Church is not effective without all it's functioning purposes. 

18 Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become “fools” so that you may become wise.
One of my favourite observations (to the disgust of some) is "Being Christian is similar to being a retard, you not only believe in a deity which can't be measured by scientific reasoning or logic but you also submit your entire life to it." Thinking God's way can save you an eternity of torment and thus far more valuable than a 99.9 ATAR. For myself, I've accepted this but others...most likely not.